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A conversation about GRASS with GOD

humorous experiences and Jokes...let's keep 'em clean

Post Sun Jun 02, 2013 4:07 am
IdahoHerbalist User avatar
Site Admin

Posts: 1114
This was quite timely as Renee and I had decided yesterday that we HATED mowing and were going to make our lawn areas au natural with flowers and herbs growing EVERYWHERE! :o

>> Conversation between God and St.Francis. It is hilarious because it is so true.
>> GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
>> going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
>> milkweeds and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance
>> garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and
>> multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
>> butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
>> garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles.
>> St.FRANCIS:It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
>> started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to kill them
>> and replace them with grass.
>> GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract
>> butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to
>> temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
>> there?
>> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep
>> it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
>> other plant that crops up in the lawn.
>> GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.
>> That must make the Suburbanites happy.
>> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
>> it-sometimes twice a week.
>> GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
>> ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
>> GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
>> ST. FRANCIS: No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
>> GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
>> And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
>> ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.
>> GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
>> the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a
>> lot of work.
>> ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops
>> growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it, so they
>> can
>> continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
>> GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
>> stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring
>> to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the
>> ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect
>> the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life.
>> ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
>> circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay
>> to have them hauled away.
>> GOD: No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
>> and to keep the soil moist and loose?
>> ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
>> which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
>> the leaves.
>> GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
>> ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
>> GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're
>> in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
>> ST. CATHERINE: 'Dumb and Dumber', Lord. It's a story about....
>> GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

Post Sun Jun 02, 2013 4:26 am
Doc Jones User avatar
Site Admin

Posts: 1006
That's hysterical. :lol:


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